(the following is an excerpt of “the ralphie report” – which will be printed in its entirety in this week’s copy of the weekender.)

Forget “Slim Shady” – will the real Ryan Cabrera please stand up?

Just two and a half years ago, Cabrera lived THE life – recording for a major record label, dating sexy starlets, traveling the sphere, and selling millions of CDs.

But the 25 year-old musician exited stage right from that lifestyle after separating with Atlantic Records. Cabrera traded his trademark dirty blond spikes for long, dark, curly strands. Gone are the preppy collars and trendy shoes, in are the rock star boots, top hats, and skinny jeans. And say goodbye to long sleeves – the solo artist loves showing off his tats.

“I’m not with the same record label anymore, end of story,” an almost-relieved Cabrera told me Monday inside The Woodlands Inn and Resort. “I finally got to do what I wanted to do.”

Cabrera is in the midst of a three-month trek across the country, stopping at radio stations to garner support for his new CD, The Moon Under Water, which hits shelves in April. The first single, a catchy mid-tempo track entitled Say, is impacting radio now.

Monday, the former major label act performed an acoustic set inside The Woodlands Streamside Band Area and offered 97 BHT listeners a chance to hear tracks from his soon-to-be-released CD – an LP that Cabrera invested more than time into.

“I spent my own money putting it together,” he admits. “It’s on my new label… Joe (Simpson) is helping me get it off the ground.”

Yes, that Joe Simpson. Father of Jessica and Ashlee – or as you may know the latter – Ryan’s ex.

“(Simpson as his manager) isn’t awkward,” Cabrera insists. “It’s all business.”

While Ryan dates Riley Keough, daughter of Lisa Marie Presley and granddaughter of Elvis – Ashlee now lip-syncs love songs to Fall Out Boy bassist Pete Wentz. Meanwhile Jessica is tied up in some capacity with Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo – a person Cabrera calls “his boy.”

No, the Dallas-born singer did not leave his manager messages instructing Jess to leave the QB alone.

“It’s just funny how people, you know, they want a story. Tony’s such an amazing quarterback, but all (the media) wants to talk about is that.”

He sees through the major record labels – the fake women – and the media. Formerly molded into a stereotypical pop star, it seems the real Ryan Cabrera may be among us after all, even if he took a few years to arrive.