Happy 17th Birthday Lorde!

As “Royals” topped the Billboard Hot 100 for a sixth consecutive time this past week, its singer Lorde celebrated her 17th birthday on Thursday. Here at “The Ralphie Show,” we pondered what a party would entail for the artist born Ella Yelich-O’Connor. Perhaps more importantly, we begun to tally up the price tags on the various items she names throughout her hit song.

The big ticket item in Lorde’s fantasy (or anti-fantasy?) is the Maybach, which we budgeted a cool half a million dollars for. The luxury vehicle is probably the only thing rapper Jay Z and radio host Rush Limbaugh can agree on as they both own at least one each. For some reason Lorde jumps from Maybachs to Cadillacs. No offense to Cadi-owners because they’re great cars, just not even near the price range of the former brand. There’s $60,000 budgeted for that expenditure.

The other six-figure cost we have is the private jet, which we assumed the singer would rent for her friends and not buy. If in fact they are flying to some exotic island, we have the travel for the trip costing about $200,000.

No tigers on gold leashes included, the grand total for Lorde’s grand bash could be $768,560, and that’s a rather conservative figure. Our math is below – and happy birthday Lorde!

Bottle of Grey Goose: $60
Bottle of Cristal: $300
Hotel Room (Suite): $1000
Ball Gown: $1200
Diamond Ring: $6000
Cadillac: $60,000
Private Jet: $200,000
Maybach: $500,000
TOTAL: $768,560

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