“He considers a smoothie to be a meal or a meal substitute.
He wants to walk everywhere. This is a patented Manorexic trick. It is undercover calorie burning and it’s evil. The first time Craig proposed we “walk home” after a night out, I lauded his thoughtful romanticism. But the six subsequent times, I knew he just wanted to get in those 10,000 steps a day. Plus, I don’t know about you, but my walk home at 3 a.m. is more of a “stumble” than a stride.
He shows you a picture on your first date of what he “used to look like.” That’s right. Craig, at one point, came it at a whopping deuce and a half, and insisted on whipping out his driver’s license to prove it. Mazel Tov on the weight loss, but when you’re on a first date, you best be sending the hottest version of you. And the best version of you did not used to be fat. Dude, my breasts aren’t this big and my skin isn’t this perfect—but save it for date two.
He uses words like “carb” and “trans fat.” Craig once told me that “abs are made in the kitchen.” Yeah, well so is cheesecake.
When you’re both hung over and you order a hamburger while he gets egg whites and fruit—and eyes your plate enviously.”